Breakups: 10 Things You Should Never, Ever Do After

You know the biggies already, Folks. We're not going to waste your valuable skimming time telling you things you already understand, like: don't sleep with him anymore, don't call his mother to complain about him and don't mistake him for a "pal" just yet. But there are lots of other areas for potential self-sabotage at this very vulnerable time in your "recovery." That's right. We used the "R" word. Let's call it what it is. Here's a roundup of further and notable no no's:

#1. Don't take it out on your body
We've all seen the chick flicks -- a wailing broken hearted girl gobbling up a double gallon of ice cream, getting over that ex. Cliché but, hell, it'strue. We know how tempting a tub of rocky road Haagen Dazs is right now -- and go for it occasionally. Enjoy the fact that you don't have to suck in your gut for a bit. But make sure it's just for a bit. You don't want the
self loathing stuff that comes after too many of those binges. Be kind to your body, and it will be kind to you. Get your ass off that couch and into the gym. Bonus: you'll look hot in your dresses and jeans!

#2. Don't be "on the hunt"
Debunk that ridiculous myth: "The best way to get over a man (or woman) is to get under
another one." Don't get us wrong -- we're all for sex! Get yourself a lover, or just a vibrator, but don't jump on the relationship bandwagon too soon. Take your time. And when anyone asks you why you're not going out with someone because you're sooooo great with that sad sack face of theirs -- tell them to take a hike. Remember, most of your pals aren't having the hot sex they claim to be having at home -- but YOU can be. Enjoy your new freedom!

#3. Don't stalk him her
You're way too smart to stalk him or her physically after your breakup. Of course you are...BUT...on social media? That's tempting. Dump him and all his friends and family. It's simply too easy to track him or her on these outlets. We had our exes BLOCKED from all of our accounts because we knew one of those 3 a.m. nights after a martini or three, we'd go sniffing. Don't. You don't need to know where he or she's going or who he or she's
going with. All hurtful. Move on.

#4. Don't tell "your story" to everyone
Hold back. Don't tell everybody how you've been wronged. Boooooooooring! Save your droning for your journals and very, very good friends. The longer you hold on to "your story" and keep soliciting sympathy, the longer it will take you to move forward...and we don't want your pals to dump you, too.

#5. Don't hold on to the memorabilia
Dump the keepsakes. Dump all those memory triggers. Use this as an opportunity to de-clutter. Dump all the toxic people and things in your life and learn to live light!

#6. Don't waste energy on revenge.
Revenge is utter crap. Don't get even. Get over it.

#7. Don't isolate yourself
You're way too fabulous to be a shut-in. Get out and beyond your 4 walls. Push yourself away from your comfort zones -- take some risks! Meet your fabulous women friends for cocktails. Wear red lipstick and some killer stillettos and work it because you can.

#8. Don't settle for crumbs
That means anybody's crumbs -- not your ex's, not your friends', not your new date's. Guys usually tell you up front who they really are. Learn to listen. Don't date the damaged, bad kissers, texting lunatics or potential "projects." Take this time to raise your standards.

#9. Ease up on your regret bullshit
See your ex for what he or she truly was and try not to obsess about what could have or should have happened. That romanticized, idealized version can torment you after a breakup. Don't let it. It's done, over, finito.

#10. Don't beat yourself up about relapses
Relapses happen. Anniversaries, birthdays are a bitch. Remind yourself to be grateful that you are not with him or her any more. Remind yourself that people do NOT change. He or she isn't a better person/lover/friend to someone else. He or she hasn't aged like a fine wine for crying out loud! This time needs to be about you and your recovery. Choose to be happy. Get off your ass and over your ex NOW.

Maryjane Fahey and Caryn Beth Rosenthal are the co-authors of "DUMPED," a breakup bible for women to get off their asses and over their exes in record time. You can preorder it now -- Tom Cruise already has ...

Then like, tweet at, whatever them... they're very friendly.

Maryjane Faheyand Caryn Beth Rosenthal

Surat Untuk Daniel.

30 Oktober 2012.

"Ma, jangan nangis.." sambil memegang erat jari-jemari Puan Ellisa yang lembut dan lembab Eva memandang sayu wajah ibu kesayangannya itu. Wajahnya pucat, tubuhnya kurus.
"Anak mama kuat kan? jangan tinggalkan mama sayang. Eva kan dah nak jadi isteri Daniel." Tangis Puan Ellisa semakin menjadi-jadi dek keadaan anak bongsunya yang semakin tenat. Encik David terpaku luar bilik. Hatinya luluh. Seolah-olah tidak sanggup menghadapi kenyataan.
"Tolong Eva Ma.." dengan sehabis daya antara dengar tak dengar Eva berkata berkata pada Puan Ellisa yang tak sanggup lagi mendengar.
"Katakan pada Daniel.. Eva minta maaf tak dapat tunggu dia." Puan Ellisa bertambah hiba perasaannya tidak dapat tertanggung lagi. Puan Ivy memeluk Puan Ellisa.
"Eva, please tunggu Daniel." Pohon Puan Ellisa.
Tittttttt........ bunyi monitor yang memaparkan detak jantung Eva.
"Eva!!!!... Doktor, tolong lihat anak saya" jerit Puan Ellisa. Doktor dan jururawat yang bertugas berlari mendapatkan Eva yang tidak sedarkan diri lalu menarik langsir. Puan Ellisa tertolak ke belakang. Lututnya terasa lemah lalu terduduk di lantai.
"Maafkan kami puan, kami telah mencuba sebaiknya." kata Doktor tersebut.
"Eva... Kenapa? Kenapa? Tidak!! Tidak!! anak saya dah janji akan hidup!!." 
Puan Ellisa pengsan, Puan Ivy menyambut sahabat baiknya itu. Sedih, sebak. Hanya airmata yang menyampaikan perasaanya. Encik David melangkah masuk, tiada dayanya untuk berkata apa-apa. Lantas berlari mendapatkan Eva yang telah pergi mendahuluinya. Hancurnya hati seorang bapa ditelan.

* * * * * * * * *

14 April 2004.

Di beranda rumah Puan Ellisa dan Encik David ketawa kecil melihat gelagat Eva yang merajuk dan Daniel yang terhinjut-hinjut mengejar dari belakang. Setiba dirumah Eva meluru terus ke bilik.
"What's now Daniel?." Kata Encik David.
"Eva tu uncle, i usik sikit pun nak marah." kata Daniel yang kelelahan.
"Ish, korang berdua ni tak habis-habis nak buat perangai. Tak kuasa auntie and uncle nak campur."
"Ala... Auntie Ellisa, Daniel usik-usik manja jer. tu pun Cik Eva Devine David tu nak marah."
"Ehem!!.." saja Encik David.
"Eh? hehe.. Sorry Boss!" segan Daniel yang terlepas sebut nama anak kesayangan Encik David.
"Dah makan?" Puan Ellisa mempelawa Daniel makan tengahari bersama.
"Takper la auntie Ellisa, mama dah tunggu kat rumah tu." sahut Daniel sambil senyum melirik pada Eva yang menjeling apabila keluar dari bilik lalu menuju ke dapur.
"Dah nak balik dah?" sahut Puan Ellisa lalu bergegas ke dapur.
"Tolong sampaikan pada Mama Daniel ya?." 
"Okey, don't worry auntie. Roger and out uncle!." gembira Daniel sambil berlari keluar dari perkarangan rumah keluarga Encik David. Dihatinya gembira kerana dia tahu isi didalam kotak yang diberikan oleh Puan Ellisa adalah Cheese Cake kegemarannya.

"Mama, Mama!!. Mama Eva kirim ni." teriak Daniel sambil menadah kotak kiriman Puan Ellisa pada ibunya yang duduk di anak tangga rumah.
"Dari rumah Eva la tu. Patutlah lambat pulang." sengih Puan Ivy.
"Ala Ma... Biasalah. Hantar Girlfriend Daniel." riang Daniel membalas.
"Eva tu suka ker kat Daniel?." ejek Puan Ivy. 
"Do not worry mom. she's will be your daugther-in-law." Daniel serius.
"Perasan lah lu. Belajar dulu rajin-rajin. Baru Encik David tu nak terima." Puan Ivy mengangkat kotak yang dibawa oleh Daniel ke dapur. Daniel mengekori jejak Puan Ivy.
"Lauk apa hari ni Ma? Daniel tersengih melihat ibunya.
"Hari ni Mama tak masak. Papa call tadi kata nak bawa kita makan kat luar jer."
"Papa mana Ma?." kata Daniel yang tak sabar menunggu Puan Ivy membuka kotak yang dibawanya.
"On the way. Singgah kat kindergarten ambil Irene."
"Sayang juga Papa kat kita kan Ma?." Bangga Daniel.
"Mestilah. Daniel pun mesti macam tu bila dah kahwin nanti." Puan Ivy mengejek.
"Hehe..." Daniel tersengih malu.

bersambung.... 
*Penat jari menaip. tunggu esok2 la aku sambung cerita nee. Love korang yang sdh baca. Sarah Matto. 4.23 pm. 17 December 2012.